[Update: Mom passed away September 16th, 2023. ]
엄마 (Mom)
It has been over a month.
Yet the pain still remains.
People say you don’t move on because the pain never really goes away. You just learn to live with it.
More than anything, I find myself in denial most of the time.
I still can’t believe that you are not here,
That I can’t call you anymore after school and clinical … and tell you everything that is going on.
I can’t believe that when I come back to Seattle, I won’t be able to hug you again and hear your voice.
I can’t believe that when I have kids, you won’t be there to guide me, to help me, to comfort me.
I mean… what do you do when the person you’ve always expected to be there is no longer there?
In these last few years, you and I have became more than just mother and daughter. We came best friends.
I imagined we had many more years to talk everyday about everything and anything.
I imagined that I would take you traveling around the world.
I imagined that I would be able to give you anything and everything, just like you did for me.
And to think that those dreams will never become reality is unbearable.
A month has past.
We are trying to learn how to live with the fact that you are not here.
It’s been extremely hard and the pain at times is overwhelming.
But I hold on to the promises I made to you, what I said to you in our last conversation, and for now…
that’s what is helping me get through each day.
I miss you so much.
We will see each other again soon.
Until then…
Julia Anne Kim 