It is has been awhile since I’ve posted…
The busyness of life has a way of consuming you
But life also has a way of putting in you a place where you are brought back to your knees again.
And while those moments suck, I appreciate it more now because it seems like it is in those moments
where I realize how much my mind, soul, and spirit needed it.
My husband and I have started to look for house and begin talking about how we want to start trying to have kids.
My mind and heart began to dream again.
Imagining the family I’ve been praying and wanting for ever since I was a kid
Imagining what my first house would like… where friends and family will come and we will create so many memories
Man, I use to journal about this growing up. Talking to God about how one day… this dream will be a reality.
But one of the sucky things about being an adult is:
Many times…reality crushes dreams
House after house, I grow discouraged.
House after house, reality reminds me of what I have and what is out of my reach.
House after house, I question many things.
Was I too hopeful? Are my expectations too high? Maybe I am being too greedy
I keep telling myself, maybe this is not the right time. I need to start working or this won’t work.
While my mind is racing, trying to be more practical, logical, realistic
Deep down… I’m struggling because I can’t ignore the fire within me
The fire who reminds me time and time again who God is.
The fire who laughs and says, ” But who you do say He is?”
And my spirit smiles and say,
“He is Jehovah Jireh.
He is God. He is the one who laid the foundation of the earth.
The one who commands the mornings and cause the dawn to know its place.
The one who satisfies the hunger of lions… the one who all of heaven bows down to.”
I never understood people who acted like the wisdom and understanding of God was limited.
Because this is about business, finance, some specific specialty, it’s different.
You telling me the God who commanded armies and warriors to victory,
the God who answered the cries of barren women,
the God who multiplied a widow’s oil to pay for her debt and more,
the God who healed the sick and raised the dead,
the God who defeated sin,
Can’t provide a vision or wisdom into your situation?
Growing up, I had God ask me many times,
” How far and deep will you believe in me?”
And with my kid like mindset and heart, I would respond,
“As far and deep as you can go.”
And my answer is something that no reality will ever change.