Your eyes saw my unformed body;Psalm 139:16 NIV
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
“Becoming: 1. the process of coming to be something or of passing into a state.”
That is the word I would use to describe this season that God has me in:
A Season of Becoming
Even though the word sounds majestic, it is not glamorous.
In fact, it is extremely messy and frustrating.
Many times it goes unnoticed by people therefore you don’t get the validation or recognition.
Months can pass and you feel like you are still in the same place.
In Luke 2:41-52, Jesus was 12 years old when his parents lost him and found him in the temple teaching. He was the Son of God. People were amazed at his understanding and answers even at such a young age. He could have started his ministry then. He could have performed miracles then. But after that incident, we don’t hear from the Son of God for 18 years.
He waited for 18 years… 30 years before he made visible movements.
I didn’t realize it before.
But could that have been the season of becoming for Jesus?
I wonder what he was thinking during that time. I wonder what his prayers were like.
What’s crazy is that His season of becoming was exponentially longer than his season of ministry. And all those years was just for a moment on the cross.
I think the hardest thing for me during this season is waiting because I want to see immediate results. I struggle with being patient… waiting….
It’s sort of like when I was a kid and I would measure my height on the wall. When I first started doing this, I would check every day to see if I got any taller. Even after a couple of months, I would still the same height. I would ask my dad if I was still growing or if I just stopped. He would laugh and say, “You are still growing. You just can’t feel it or see it right away.”
I realize I have the same childish attitude about this process of becoming to when I was a child marking my height on the wall. I would get so frustrated with God. “That’s it!? Dang…” and I imagine God laughing at me just like my father did.
Because the truth is,
it has only been ten months since my encounter with God and the beginning of this internal transformation and life shift. I look back and see I have grown immensely. However, I realize this season of becoming didn’t start a year ago. It started 27 years ago.
From the very beginning, I was:
Becoming the child He has created me to be,
Becoming the student He has raised me to be,
Becoming the friend He has guided me to be,
Becoming the salt and the light He has commanded me to be,
Becoming the leader He has called me to,
Becoming the pastor He has ordained me to be.
And this specific season is preparing for new marks on the wall. That I will:
Become the wife He has desired me to be,
Become the mother He has designed me to be,
Become the influence He has challenged me to be,
Become the grandmother He has blessed me to be.
This is our life’s journey. That I will spend the rest of my life becoming.
In every season, in each of these markings, I was far from perfect and fell short every time.
In fact, I’m still becoming in all of those things.
But isn’t that the grace of God? He isn’t desiring me to become perfect.
But I am progressing.
What is amazing is at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, whenever I feel like I have become all that God has created me to be and wanted…
looking back at all those marks of becoming on the wall…
I know He will whisper in my heart once again and tell me that there is still so much more