June 3, 2020.
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and it spread to the lymph nodes in her right arm pit.
I told God, I don’t need to know why.
All I know is that Lord you are in control.
You promised that those who seek you will find you.
You said in your word that you draw near to the broken and the humble.
So draw near Lord. Draw near.
I trust you.
Today, as I was working on my Tangled puzzle, the Spirit spoke to my heart.
I have been upset and bitter with my brother.
He is literally the golden child.
Went to Cornell, came out with a 4.3, no school debt,
and on the path of going to one of the best medical schools.
Honestly, I have never been jealous about his achievements.
However, we are literally Yin and yang.
Never really agreed on anything and completely different in every way.
During this difficult time where every member of the family
is pulling their weight to support mom,
Daniel is unable to help or visit mom
because he is working on his medical applications and interviews.
I understand. This is a critical time.
A make or break moment for Daniel’s life.
But what about mom?
When she needs you the most, where are you? Are you really this selfish?
As I was working on this puzzle, I was getting frustrated.
All the pieces are mixed up and it looks like a hot mess.
But you know, every piece goes somewhere.
Every piece matters. I just have to find it’s place.
And like always, in the Lord’s time and place,
the Spirit spoke to me . Leaving me broken and humbled
like always.
Daniel can’t drop everything. He can’t put things on pause.
Not because he is not able to. But because he is the hope for my parents.
The hope to have something to look forward to and believe in.
It would destroy my parents if because of their situation,
it somehow interfered with Daniel’s hard-work and dreams.
My dad was having a horrible day last Saturday
with people telling him and my mom negative things.
But within the hour, Daniel called telling them he literally killed the MCAT.
And by that news alone, lifted the spirits of my family.
Daniel loves mom more than anything.
He told me before going to Cornell that everything he does,
it’s for her and our parents.
That I will never understand
the burden he has to carry for our family.
And the truth is, I don’t.
because Daniel and I carry different burdens for our family.
He is a piece in this family.
A piece God intentionally placed in this household.
And now I am able to see by the grace of God and His Spirit,
that Daniel is doing exactly what he needs to do.
He is exactly where he needs to be. And the same goes for me.
So Daniel,
Go. And don’t stop.
By the grace of God, the Lord has open doors for you that no man can.
He has given you favor in the eyes of man and victory over all things like Daniel,
the person you were named after.
So, don’t worry about mom.
In the same way he has given you the grace and power to do what you are called to do,
He has given me the power and anointing to do what I am called to do for this family.
You were always the one to lead our family. To carry the household name.
Through you, we are seeing the manifestation of mom and dad’s sacrifice and lost dreams.
I support you and thank God everyday for his goodness and mercy.
I am proud of you. I always have and always will.
Julia Anne Kim 